So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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