i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
