I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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