Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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