Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
