You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Still dying that you shit outside
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
