Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
