my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
