Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
