you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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