omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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