Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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