Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize