Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
