I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
