If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
