Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
