I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
