Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
