question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
