I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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