as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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