I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this beer tastes like vomit already
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize