When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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