who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
