my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
