how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
