Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
