I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
