I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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