Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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