low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
