I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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