nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
