haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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