she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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