I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
