So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
