You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
