Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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