So drunk, too bad you don't want this
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
