ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
