I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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