Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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