I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
