I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
