my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
