where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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