Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize