got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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