i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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