Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize