grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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