my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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