The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
