dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
