I accidentally had phone sex last night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize