Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
