you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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