I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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