he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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