I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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