dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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