Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
