I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
tell me about the eggs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
