I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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