I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
