if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
