I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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