so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
