when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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