I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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