My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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