before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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