Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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