I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
