I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
