Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In America we eat man semen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
