Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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