Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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