PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
