Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
