I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
