So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
