fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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